konting vent.
yeah, i couldn't sleep last night. sa onting galit ko kay mama, i went downstairs and listed down people on my notebook. pampalipas oras. then around 1am, ado went upstairs, and kuya was doing something on the computer..
meanwhile... i was. sitting. and staring... at the REFRIGERATOR.
and everything went back to my mind. just going in and out and.. just that.
the same feeling when i walk from school going back home or from home to school or from home to the office. BASTA WHEN I WALK ALONE. i try to think of one single thing and i can't. because everything rushes in my mind when i'm not talking to anybody. and i think that's what's wrong.
i need people.
its the first time last night that i really felt like that. not being able to sleep dahil sa problema. because usually than usual, dinadaan ko sa TULOG AT ICECREAM ang mga problema ko. kagabi, hindi. i cried. and some two random very different people made me cry some more. at 2:30am, i was alone downstairs already. at 3, i stopped, went upstairs, and tried to sleep. but i couldn't. SWOOOOOOOOOOOOSH. ang senti ko kagabi. SWEAR. ang cry baby ko. :))
this afternoon, after work. i asked mama if we could go out. we bought me a new mp4 player *hug* and we went to the grocery. so we had our usual mother-daughter bonding na hindi pa nangyayari for a long time. we've been both really busy. and i'm glad she had time today. i really needed it. syempre ng hindi niya alam. it seems so normal that ang daldal ko sakanya about how much ive been hating K**** for what he did and said. she didn't say anything tough. sabi niya lang "be a christian girl" HAHAHAHA. shooooore.
so i guess what im trying to say is... i kinda feel better when i'm with someone i know i can be with even though i don't tell him/her everything. simply being with someone releases the depression in me. like yesterday with trish and my smc family.
and today, i finally decided while i was taking a shower, that i'm ready to LET HIM BE. i'm not betting for some guy who doesn't give a rat's ass. he's a great friend. and i guess that's all he'll ever be. take time to accept that i don't get anyone i want + trish made me realize too much last night already.
SLOWLY PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAU.
you'll just have to learn it the easy way which is the hard one. :))
konting vent lang yan. swear. :D