as written on: Thursday, May 29, 2008

last night. kagabi. malamang.

sumakay ako ng jeep sa welcome. at kung alam mo, yun yung jeep na nagaantay pa ng sakay. at hahawak ka ng maruming chopsticks. :

naupo ako sa dulo. at ng pinagmamasdan ko ang paligid, napatingin ako sa "barker" (hindi yung aso, yung tao). and imperneeeeeeesssssssss, ANG GWAPO NIYA FRIEEENDS. sa buong oras bago magsimulang umandar ang jeep patungo sa paroroonan, ako'y nakatitig sakanya at natatawa (ng patago siyempre). :))

akalain niyong sa tana ng buhay ko, alam kong mabilis ako magkagusto sa tao, pero ang magkagusto sa "barker"!!? *EHEM* hindi sa minamaliit ko sila. pero yun na nga eh. EXACTLY. napaisip ako, oo, ang una mong titingnan sa tao yung itsura niya. MOSTLY. pero naisip ko na, gwapo na siya, at effort pa maghanapbuhay! yan dapat ang lalaking hinahanap sa buhay e. at sa mga tulad niya dapat tumitingala ang iba pang lalaki. nakanaaaaaaaaang. SI KOYA, MAY FANS! ako! :))

natutuwa ako sa post na to'. iz mostly TAGALOWG meeehn! :DDD

as written on: Tuesday, May 27, 2008

ONE BIG EYEBALL.

random people.

random place.

random car.

random day.

random EVERYTHING.

nobody would ever think we'd. ugh. THEY'D all get along that well. kung sabagay. it's me who knew everyone. so i think i got along with kahit sino. eh pano, FEELING AKO EH! paki mo. :))

i'm really happy that mama allowed me to go out ng walang bodyguard. WUHOOO! independence day ako. LOL. plus, tiwala naman ako sa mga tao eh. bwahahahaha. >:D

we had fun. although i'm not enumerating everything we did. ang boring if i do that. SOOOOO, yeah. we swam. and ate. and got burnt. and swam some more. and took ALOT of pictures. and slept. and ate. and, that's it? highlights:

- napaniwala namin ang isang matanda na lesbo kaming lahat.

- may karaoke machine infront of the shower rooms. ( i know right? )

- there was an old man na palagi kong nakikitaan ng "kuyukot". BWAHAHAHA. :)))

-somehow i got a bit tipsy and dragged maui ng mga 2-3ft ng nakahiga siya sa ground. SHET SORRRRRRYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!

- may pile of hair sa pool. O_O

- na-stuck kami sa "BATAW CAGE" because the rain poured eventually.

thanks guys. it was perfect. :D

pictures on my multiply.

:)

as written on: Sunday, May 25, 2008

TOMORROW WILL BE SUCH A RANDOM DAY.

i'm both nervous and excited. :))

i just got home.

galing sa mandarin hotel at makati.
to watch some effin' great concert.

p********!
BITUIN ESCALANTE ! ! ! !

mapapamura ka sa galing... obviously.

she's no entertainment person. not like APO. pero benta sakin jokes niya. especially when she makes kwento about how much she loves "sound of music" and she dances the mala-otso-osto dance. bwahahaha. babaw ko.
kapitbahay daw namin siya! COOOOOOOOOLLL. i could like, stalk her and stuff. >:D

okay. so i'm a fan of paramore AND bituin escalante. wuuuurd. O_O

i'm so happy tito butch is my tito. and that lola moms is my lola.
i get to concerts that i truly truly truuuuly luuuurve... FOR FREE!
i'm such a lucky, poor little girl. nyarrrrrr. :3

as written on: Friday, May 23, 2008

TRAGEDY!!!!

i'm losing my ONE TREE HILL SERIES 1 - 2. :((

it's either i misplaced it or i lent it to someone and didn't get it back.
or worse, someone threw it in the trash. WAG NAMAN SANAAAA.

so if it's with any of you. PLEASE MESSAGE ME FAST.
this is urgent. i might die. [ANG O.A. KO]

--------------------

and for comforting purposes...

may bago akong crush. and he's.... OLD. and.... GAY.
(okay. that wasn't very comforting pala.)

so i didn't have any idea at inlab na inlab ako sakanya tuwing kumakanta siya sa "the singing bee" (got the worst host ever).

i always had to go right infront of the TELEBISYON at harangan lahat ng nanunuod para lang makita ng malapitan ang chinito niyang mukha at marinig ang napakaganda niyang boses na talaga namang nakakakilig..

pero nang maikwento ko to kay van.. she told me the big news...
but i doubted.
and last night, i saw him again.
and he was dancing... LIKE A GIRL. no, he was dancing VERY GAY-LY.
(with the matching kembot and snapping fingers pa)

and napaisip lang ako...
"BAKIT BA KASI HALOS LAHAT NG CRUSH KO, BADING!?!????"
but i also thought...
"EH, ANO BANG PAKE NIYO KUNG MAY GUSTO AKO SA BADING."

yes, it's true. he's gay (or maybe not. HOPEFULLY NOT) and i like him! nyarrrrr. *KILIG*

(he looks pretty gay sa 2nd picture though)

i wish that you get ALOT YOUNGER and that you become a MAN.

LIBRE MANGARAP. :D

as written on: Thursday, May 22, 2008

monday took me shopping with mama.

- we bought underwear.

- i treated her out for pizza.

- she was going gaga over plastic containers. o_O

tuesday made me live like a pig.

- i slept and ate.

wednesday was a COMPLETE adventure.

- went to UP to have nicki's ID picture taken.

- joined MEGA's face search. and i gots a friggin fugly picture.

- went to trish's and swam for 30mins. it was too cold for me.

- nagword.

- hung-out at argel and anne's. HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANNE BEYBEH.

thursday, i can't even explain.

- i woke up early to finish t.grace's tarps.

- realized i was sick.

- went back to sleep.

- and was woken up THREE FRIGGIN' TIMES. ang tanga tanga tanga ng mga tao sa mundo! YES, that's what i thought.

- went out for a walk and stayed at the adoration chapel for a while.

- back home and shut my mouth. :D

i don't want to think about tomorrow right now. thank you.

i've learned that TO WAIT is what i should learn. (ano daw?)

best things come to those who wait. *winks* ;)

as written on: Tuesday, May 20, 2008

oh i LOVE jackie chan.

im so happy. WHYYYYYY!??!!?! :))

yesterday i went shopping with mama.
and i realized that i like spending my money when i'm with her.
i don't find it such a waste.

RANDOM. sheesh.

last night made me go @_@ and ♥

as written on: Saturday, May 17, 2008

blissful.


my attitude for the past days and weeks (view recently posted entries) have been really bad. i could see how i have turned my life from euphoria to a big fat wreck.


and its funny how ONE SINGLE DAY could change that.

i couldn't announce how much yesterday changed things. but it was certainly not anything i had in mind.


there's always something big and blissful after a storm anybody goes through.
although i can't assure that everything will be in smooth sailing forever.


there's truly a reason for EVERYTHING.

i hope i keep that in mind.


nakakalunkot isipin na mas tumatalikod ako sakanya at the times i should be needing him the most.
but i really thank him that despite the SHITFUCK (no such word) that i am,
he shows me how much he loves me and accepts me.
THANK YOU GOD.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

i'll truly miss summer 08'.

it taught me too much. :)

as written on: Sunday, May 11, 2008

LISTEN AND SHUT IT.

i didn't mean to vent that long to the group. i have not been talking to anyone since all my problems ran to me like mice to cheese. and i wanted someone to listen. i actually told more than 10people about it in one sitting (or two). and that's not very usual... then you come to me like i did something SO WRONG. why? because it doesn't please you. and yeah, so maybe it doesn't please more than half of the population sitting there. but i did that ONCE. ONCE IN MY LIFE. to speak and just expect everyone to listen and understand what i was going through. but nooooooooo. i was happy and relieved after that. and you had to take that euphoric state out of me. THANK YOU.

selfish as it may seem (and yes i am that person), i was hurt and scandalized with what you did. but i'd have to accept that. because that's what we do with our crosses. like maggie said. hindi niya alam to but i was moved with her words setting aside the "even the carebears don't care" line, she said...

"hindi natin titiisin ang crus natin,

TATANGGAPIN NATIN."

hard, really. but i try. i hope i can.

this situation made me realize that i was VERY STUPIDLY WRONG with what i thought about kuya's decision. i can't continue without him. EGAD. :(

THANKS PEOPLE.

(ayoko magname ng mga tao, i might miss out some)

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY TO THE MOMMIES OF THE WORLD

ESPECIALLY TO MINE. :D

as written on: Friday, May 9, 2008

konting vent.

yeah, i couldn't sleep last night. sa onting galit ko kay mama, i went downstairs and listed down people on my notebook. pampalipas oras. then around 1am, ado went upstairs, and kuya was doing something on the computer..


meanwhile... i was. sitting. and staring... at the REFRIGERATOR.


and everything went back to my mind. just going in and out and.. just that.

the same feeling when i walk from school going back home or from home to school or from home to the office. BASTA WHEN I WALK ALONE. i try to think of one single thing and i can't. because everything rushes in my mind when i'm not talking to anybody. and i think that's what's wrong.

i need people.

its the first time last night that i really felt like that. not being able to sleep dahil sa problema. because usually than usual, dinadaan ko sa TULOG AT ICECREAM ang mga problema ko. kagabi, hindi. i cried. and some two random very different people made me cry some more. at 2:30am, i was alone downstairs already. at 3, i stopped, went upstairs, and tried to sleep. but i couldn't. SWOOOOOOOOOOOOSH. ang senti ko kagabi. SWEAR. ang cry baby ko. :))

this afternoon, after work. i asked mama if we could go out. we bought me a new mp4 player *hug* and we went to the grocery. so we had our usual mother-daughter bonding na hindi pa nangyayari for a long time. we've been both really busy. and i'm glad she had time today. i really needed it. syempre ng hindi niya alam. it seems so normal that ang daldal ko sakanya about how much ive been hating K**** for what he did and said. she didn't say anything tough. sabi niya lang "be a christian girl" HAHAHAHA. shooooore.

so i guess what im trying to say is... i kinda feel better when i'm with someone i know i can be with even though i don't tell him/her everything. simply being with someone releases the depression in me. like yesterday with trish and my smc family.

and today, i finally decided while i was taking a shower, that i'm ready to LET HIM BE. i'm not betting for some guy who doesn't give a rat's ass. he's a great friend. and i guess that's all he'll ever be. take time to accept that i don't get anyone i want + trish made me realize too much last night already.

SLOWLY PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAU.

you'll just have to learn it the easy way which is the hard one. :))

konting vent lang yan. swear. :D

as written on: Thursday, May 8, 2008

may gusto akong sabihan eh. pero hindi ko talaga masabi even though i try.
problems like these make me realize how much people love me and how much they're all willing to listen. ngunit eto ako, umaayaw. tinatakasan? SHIT. tanga.


it's even harder to think that i don't even know if i believe the only one i trust.
BUT I WANT TO. really.


random shiz na ako lang din ang makakagets:
*i need to give it up. NOW. not tomorrow. no excuses. just, NOW.
*i have to let him be. make him do and say what he wants. and i have to stop being affected.
*i should do something about that future. fast.
*be happy. she loves you. she's just not perfect like you..
*LET THEM KNOW. LET THEM HELP. duh.

I AM SO IMPOSSIBLE RIGHT NOW.

as written on: Sunday, May 4, 2008

i find it so amusing yet SO IRRITATING AND ANNOYING
that i am actually capable of stressing my self to death.


there are so many things that i should be really happy about.


pero sa sobrang katangahan ko, even though i know i should be thankful for them, i technically throw them out the window. maybe because the brat in me still longs for something else. not anything great or anything. just... SOMETHING.
is this normal?


ayon nga kay papa piolo...

I WANT TO BE....

COMPLETE. :))

pero seriously. i need the normal ME back.

as written on: Friday, May 2, 2008

i passed my application forms for UP i think last april 4? i don't remember.
and i put three courses i wanted to get into.


FILM, EDUC and COMMUNITY DEVELOPMENT.


earlier today, they gave me my recommended courses.


FILM and COM DEV.


which apparently IS NOT the plan.
i told mama that if i didn't pass educ in UP, i'd rather study in a different school and take up education. but now, she told me to apply sa COM DEV because lahat daw ng courses ng first year dun will be the same as educ.


but...


i think i'd like FILM more.
i might not even pass UP. tas wala akong back-up plan.




shyet.


HELP? :(